Eloquence

2006-11-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I love you too damn much for my own good
I let my self get carried away
I heard marriage and I thaught of you
I saw dancing, and I saw us moving togethr as one
I saw a future, of happiness and kisses
I don't blame you, I can't
Yet it breaks my heart
Why cant you be what I need
Why cant you love me
God damn it! its not fair!
Of all people, WHY YOU! WHY!
I cant just accept it
If it were anyone else, God knows I would
Of all people
I'm angry at my self
I'm heartbroken
I'm selfish
I want to look into your eyes
And feel that hope
I want to feel that potential
I want to feel your lips on mine
You hand holding me
Your heart loving me

Fuck! It's not fucking fair!
This frusteration is killing me!
I gave you years of my love
Beyond friendship, I gave you love

But its not what you needed

You dont need me like I need you.

Its not FUCKING FAIR!

...shit. when we dance, My heart will ache.
My tears will destroy me

and you will be oblivious.

2006-10-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

The mortal sound thunders in my ears
Down to the cellular level,
My senses are alive with feeling
That small sound is unmistakable,
The screams of defeat and defiance echo as the blood rushes though my ears
The divided mind is severed with one swift move of a blade

White, pure as they day god made it,
Supple and smooth
the memory creates the image. The heart knows better

The true nature of the bumps
The shadows disguised as pink lines that gleam in the light
forbidden to be seen.
She needs it now, again and again
The scarlet life that she shows her self
Causes the icy shards to melt in her eyes

The rain washes her face, the roses paint her cheeks
The red, stains the sheets.

Look what I’ve done…

2005-09-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

Once.
Just once.
I want to know what it's like.
What makes it so wonderful.
I thaught I knew.
That one touch could be so tender as to wake a blossom on the first day of spring.
I am left to ponder,
the cold metal stares back at me,
the wooden shine mocks me.
My life story is written on random,
lost,
tattered pieces of paper too many to organize.
The light floods the floor,
danceing to the shadows of trees,
teaseing me.
Taunting.
To feel the earth and the sun
to love and be loved.
The fluttering of emotions has left.
An empty vescil with no commander.
Left to sink in my own fate.
Once.
Just once.
Take it unto my own palm.
hold it tight.
hold it soft.
Unto my heart
to feel love,
to feel whole,
to feel love.

2005-07-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

*Shards*

Every word uttered by your poisonous tongue,
Sends shards splintering across your face,
You hideous disgrace,
You lie,
stab with knives when blind to sight,
As you fall,
with wings not to take flight,
Into the despair.
I will not open an eye to care,
The flame will consume your pitiful existence,
As loneliness overtakes you,
And darkness binds you,
I curse you,
I hate you,
I will settle this score,
It will end,
With you being no more.

2005-07-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

*Quiet Lie*

He broke my heart,

I let it go,

he broke it again,

and he will never know,

I watch from the window,

Always just standing on the side,

I'm fine...

I'm fine...
guess what,

I lied

2005-05-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

*reminiss*

Your voice,
once so soothing and kind,
You have forgotten,
I have been left behind.
The love will never die,
Never weakens,
no matter how much I cry,
I play pictures of you in my mind,
Then I stop,
and hit rewind,
to the days when I knew who you were,
to the days before you loved her.

2005-04-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

*Mistake*

You blame me for your problems,
You blame me for your fears,
I am not the sourse of your tears,
A mindless record stuck on one note,
You tourture your self,
you cant stay afloat,
You mean nothing to me,
your presence is barron,
I do not care if you sigh,
I do not care if you cry,
Silent,
and walk on by.

2005-03-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

*Goodbye*

We do not forget the ones we love,
We let them free,
Living on through people like you and me,
a legacy left behind,
my thaughts so intertwined,
Goodbye,
I hope it is peace that you find.

2005-03-06T22:15:00.000-08:00

*Smiling*

In my pocket,
I keep a locket,
The hinge swings,
The metal pings,
Inside I see,
The face of whom I will share my destiny.

2005-03-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

*Lesson Learned*

It's never enough,
For someone like you,
It's never enough,
With all the empty things you do.
I,
Hunger for something more,
That's that void inside,
That sadness in my stride.
I don't pretend like everything is fine,
I won't cross that very fine line.
You will never understand,
Never to extend that helping hand.
You will never be the person,
To whom I will ever confide,
Not the one who will always be by my side.
Growing with every passing day,
I cringe at every word you say.
Put me down at every chance you get.
You always complain,
It will drive me insane.
Go away,
See if I care,
Then you will find out,
Life isn't always fair.

2005-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

*Haunting Love*

Lost within my self,
Filled with doubt,
How can I sustain,
From the hurt and endless pain?
It isn't right to be like this,
Forever haunted by your kiss,
It couldn't be what it wasn't.
This foolish feeling,
That I am always concealing,
I can't hide it anymore,
This love runs deep into my core,
Those feelings I know I can never say,
Still,Thoughts of you haunt my day.

2005-02-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

*Dark Past*

Her stomach turns,
She makes mistakes,
but never learns,
the shadow is looming a head,
the part of her she thought was dead,
She had moved on,
away from sadness,
away from rage,
she was trapped in her own cage,
freedom shortly lived,
It had come back to find her,
to suffocate and bind her.
The shadow is near,
she is overcome with fear.
It's a battle she can not fight,
Quick approaches the dark as night,
The shadow is back.
Nothing she can do,
She can't help but feel,
It's because of you

2005-02-15T19:42:00.000-08:00

*Stuck on You*

it's been a long time,
I thought I moved on,
passes the childhood memories and feelings,
passed those emotions which haunted me,
those who had taunted me,
but you were always there,
from the very start,
the first one,
to whom I opened my heart,
just friends,
never more,
but now I am not so sure,
I don't want to lose you to someone else,
just can't help it I guess,
my emotions are one big mess,
but there is one thing I know,
it will never change,
when I talk to you,
I am happy,
you make me laugh,
when life seems crappy,
I am so confused right now,
I don't know what to do,
all I know,
is I will always love you.

2005-02-15T19:30:00.000-08:00

*Choices*

I have loved you,
from the very start,
you looked at me,
and warmed my heart.
I was cold,
from my past and pain,
shut off from your kindness,
when I was blind,
you were there for me,
you helped me to see,
but I never took the chance,
because I look at you and freeze,
it makes me weak in the knees,
you waited,
I stayed silent,
You were never harsh,
sour,
or violent.
I have been a fool to lose you,
if given the chance again,
will I have the courage to choose you?

2005-02-15T19:26:00.000-08:00

*Blooming Love*

Forever spiraling like the seeds of a daisy,
its has the power to make you go crazy,
it takes you around and around,
the answer to why can never be found,
it takes one special person to make it bloom,
against your chest your heart will boom,
it is the goal of human life,
but also may lead to our doom,
if you push it away,
back it will shove,
pure as the white dove,
what is this power,
it's the power of love...

2005-02-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

*Warm Presence*

You walk in,
greet me with a smile,
yet your love is blocked by my denial,
I panic,
don't know what to do,
all I want is to run and kiss you,
yet I act like your not there,
when deep down I truly care,
everyday,
they truth I dare not say,
but within me I feel,
upon my lips is a frightened seal.
The hours pass,
the moment is here,
so real and sincere,
too soon to pass,
I can't move,
hard as I try,
my heart will ever so softly cry,
as you walk away and say goodbye.

2005-02-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

*Cold Heart*

Will I ever feel you upon my cold face,
I feel no warmth or emotion at all,
tears from my eyes continue to fall,
it's overwhelming,
the loneness in my heart,
only you can fill that empty part,
I loved you,
and still do,
I will always need you.

2005-02-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

*Ignorance*

They see what they want,
their own false world,
how often I long to show them with new eyes,
the failure of their pathetic lies,
no expression on my face,
so they cant tell,
the truth needs to ring,
ring like a bell,
yet there I stay,
silent,
still,
the pain of their decete has the power to kill,
they are blind,
but they can hear,
of hearing the truth,
they live in fear.

2005-02-15T18:59:00.000-08:00

*Never*

On the outside,
looking in,
feel the pain of your every sin,
wide awake every night,
my own sanity out of sight,
you are one big lie to me,
and now I truly see,
false love,
false care,
not even friendship to share,
never forgive,
never forget,
the scar upon my heart,
that you have set.

2005-02-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

*Repression*

Why do I try and explain it,
why do I try and contain it,
don't pretend to know,
how far I will go,
push me down,
on the ground,
you laugh at my pathetic sound,
rage,
and hate,
like a volcano inside,
you ask me if I'm ok,
nod my head as you pass aside,
well guess what,
I lied...

2005-02-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

*Cursed*

The light fades away,
into a world dark and gray.
No words are spoken,
no music is heard,
no morning song from a cheerful bird.
The trees are bare,
dark and dead.
Lonely footsteps tap the pavement stone.
A single shadow is shown.
She is alone.
The wind sighs,
to silence her soft cries.
No life in the touch of her hands,
forever cursed to walk these barren lands.

2005-02-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

*Eyes*

As the dawn rose,
the earth was cold,
the night had been sold,
to the wake of a new day,
what beauty to behold.
See the blue sapphires in the eyes of heaven,
every day of a week of seven.
They look with such power,
to make minutes turn into an hour.
Time stops, I can't help but stare.
They jump out,
glowing,
without even knowing.
Frozen, yet still going.
Am I looking into the sun?
Or the eyes of my beloved one?

2005-02-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

*Remembered*

Sit down,
open the box.
Through the dust and old locks,
papers of the past,
memories that forever last.
When you take the time to look back,
and remember those who made life worth living,
so kind and so giving,
that when you look in the mirror,
you see the faces of those friends who made you into what you are today.
In your heart,
true friends forever stay...

2005-02-15T18:44:00.000-08:00

*The Stray*

Rescue me from this island of terrors,
I am alone,
with no more than a cold chair.
I drift alone,
among the others,
like a mindless drone,
unnoticed in the sea of apathy.
My life boat is gone from my sight,
in the darkness deprived of light.
I have been left to wither away.
I am an unwanted stray.

2005-02-15T18:42:00.000-08:00

*Wonder*

As I look out my window,
and see the many sites,
the glow of the city lights.
The trees that sway,
the absence of the light of day.
People driving in a scurry,
why are they in such a hurry?
Life passes them by,
yet I am here,
forever gazing into the world unknown.
Forever wondering.

2005-02-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

*Disappearance*

A chill runs down my spine,
my thoughts race,
telling me that I'm fine.
The walls are tall,
thick,
and closing fast.
Under the presure,
I know how long I can last,
Everything I am is crushed,
my screams for help violently hushed.
No escape in sight,
your grip on my is getting tight,
but you can't kill what's already dead,
this broken life I will soon shed.
I'll let the darkness take me,
before I let you break me.
I wont let you win,
not this fight.
I'll close my eyes, and give into the night.

2005-02-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

*Linger*

You hand once touched mine
But that was gone
You haunted me for so long
Like a mist that has clouded my sight
You are a faint face that has faded away
But somewhere in my heart
There was a place for you to stay
Your voice as a gentle whisper in the wind
My heart pumps and rushes
My face blushes
As you turn and speak again
Close my eyes
The light in the shadow had broken free
When you asked
Do you still love me?

2005-02-15T18:17:00.000-08:00

*No More*

Scream,
pain,
fear,
hate,
I don't deserve to live,
I have nothing to give,
Christ sake,
my life god please take,
pull my hair as I break,
I don't care,
all the lies
all the deceit,
one day
I shall defeat.

2005-02-15T18:16:00.000-08:00

*Forgotten One*

Across the room I sit,
thinking just a bit,
he looks at me with a smile,
as true as can be,
why?
What does he see in me?
Someone with beauty
someone with glam,
No,I don't play that sham,
yet still he smiles,
along with my heart

2005-02-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

*You*

What gets me through the day,
the words that he may say,
but he isn't here,
from that will come the deepest tear.

2005-02-15T18:12:00.000-08:00

*Images*

As I read my book,
I only think of your wondrous look,
I think of you the one I miss,
dreaming of our first kiss.

2005-02-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

*Mystery*

Deep as the greatest oceans,
mysterious as the all emotions,
yet still existing with in me,
a love for you.

2005-02-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

*Deep*

Deep inside the soul of heart,
hear lies the best part,
it shall only emerge,
for the one who makes ones blood surge.

2005-02-15T18:09:00.001-08:00

*Earth*

On a warm summer day,
lay on my back as I do,
looking at the sky so powder blue,
seeing the beauty of the soul of the earth
as clear as the life giving water it bares.

2005-02-15T18:09:00.000-08:00

*Him*
When we are apart,
my soul,
and heart,
with him they are.

2005-02-15T18:06:00.000-08:00

*Cinders*

Slipping away,
slowly,
silently,
secretly,
with the want to die.
But all she can do is cry,
push away, everyday,
the words that she needs to say.
Nails pierce her skin,
from the rage within.
Fire burns and spits,
as alone in a corner she sits.
Watching, without fear,
as her own world begins to sere,
reach out.
Last chance,
she wont even lift her head for one last glance.
Nothing for her to lose,
it is not for her to choose.
Surely she has gone mad,
the fire within her soul has consumed her.
Her own spirit has doomed her...

2005-02-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

*Cherished Possesion*

I have been told, that in the end we are alone.
Possessions we can never own,
with the evil in the world that is so broadly shown.
But what about that day,
he and I,we were the sun shinning.
The only hope in the world,
love, is what we had.
What we owned,
it's what keeps us going.

The Silent Watcher

2005-02-15T18:01:00.000-08:00

*Silent Watcher*
As I look out my window,
sitting by my self,
people drive by one by one.
Do they know I have even noticed them?
Or that anyone cares?
Perhaps, yet they keep going like nothing ever happened.
Is this just another person driving as I look out my window?
Or will one day I make a difference?